Changes

            In life, we are all faced with hard life changing decisions. These decisions can cause you to really stop and look back at your life so far and realize many things. They could be good things, though they could be bad things as well. When faced with a tough decision you should go with what you think will be the best for you.

            This concept is a very difficult one for me to grasp and I have personally really been struggling with it. I have spent the last 18 years of my life trying to be the most perfect person that I could be. I played every sport under the sun, I broke records, I got good grades, I volunteered, I was in student government, and even though I did all of those things I was never perfect. I was striving for perfection, an impossible task. Looking for some type of recognition that would make me good enough. So, I did things to make others happy. I lived a very full life trying to please those around me.  

            It was not until I went to college that I really was opened to the way that I had been living. Because all of these brand new people had no expectations of the perfect goodie two shoes that I have been trying to be for my whole life. I soon lived up to no expectations and took a sharp downward turn. However, after living in temptation for about a year I have finally realized many eye-opening things about myself.

            I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. (As much as you might hate it, you will never be perfect either. That does not mean you cannot try because trust me I have tried it but it is by no means worth it.) By living in a brand new environment with people, that I did not know, it really gave me a chance to figure out who I was and what that meant. I may be young and not know everything about myself but I do now know what direction in which I want to live my life.

            I will go back to doing many of the same things I did while I was “the perfect girl” the difference being that I will now be doing these things for myself not because I feel like I have to prove myself to others. I want to be the best person that I can be and live a full happy life that is meaningful. I am done with living in a superficial shell and done living with no expectations.

            It took me months to fully realize the extent of my actions and then took me quite a while to process how I would like to take action and change the way I have been living. I by no means want to give you the impression that it is easy, because it is not. It is hard and there is tears that come, heartbreak, failed relationships with people, and uncertainty. However, even through every bit of that I feel 100% sure that I am making the best choice for me.

            I have lived my whole life trying to please others. Nevertheless, it does not matter what everyone else think of me. For me all that matters is what God thinks of me and that I know I am living in the path he has set up for me. I understand that people have different beliefs and I respect that, this is my opinion that I hold true. You don’t have to do it for the reasons I do but if you do want to make a change in your life you should be doing it for you and not the expectations of others.

            I challenge everyone who is unhappy in their lives to push forward and make a change. My mom once told me “Honey, life is too short to be unhappy!” Since then I have really taken those words to heart. I am living to be the happiest, best version of me. Do not be afraid to disappoint people because you will never be able to make everyone happy. The people who really truly care about you will stick by your side no matter what. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors.

                                                            xoxo Tessa