Seasonal Changes

I love pumpkins. I love fall. I love crunchy leaves, baggy sweaters, and it being socially acceptable to wear tights again (even though that never really stops me). Even though there's 11 more days until fall officially starts (and it's defiantly still too hot, it was 95 at 7:30 yesterday), I still love this season.

There's just something hauntingly poetic about the crunch of dead leaves that just makes me want to jump in a big pile of them, although the actual jumping into a pile of leaves brings me back to reality. And by reality I obviously mean pretending it's fall when it's very obvious that summer is going to linger around for awhile.

Although all of this is just gearing up for the winter season, and let's not get into that I am far to excited already! There's always a certain type of magic that enters the air around these seasons, maybe it's that everything is beginning, which is actually the opposite of what nature is doing. But who actually cares about the rules that nature has set forth? If september is my season to start new projects and begin new habits why should I wait for the new year, or spring? There is no reason that I should set my schedule to the one made by the trees or popular magazines.

I've already got my fall items lined up, I've figured out the best way to make great carmel corn, have the tastiest Pumpkin Spice Latter recipe (If you want some you'll have to come over, I'm not giving it out. Actually I already have twice, so I mean you can try to find it? but you'll have to know where to look.) and I just got knew yarn that is itching to spin itself into something gorgeous, although I'm not actually working on anything yet until I finish Summer's birthday present (WHICH I AM SAYING NOTHING ABOUT UNTIL I HAVE GIVEN IT TO HER THURSDAY. SORRY, NO SPOILERS).

Last fall and this fall are already very different, in both good and bad ways. I'm really looking forwards to seeing it play out before me, I am crossing my fingers for a few things to happen, and already have things written on my calendar, such as the 5k Maddy and I are running in, on November 17th (You should join us, we'd love it if you would!! If you live near us, you can even come running with us).

But just as the season says, we'll fall, and hopefully let's catch ourselves and have as much fun as we could possibly have.

Changes

            In life, we are all faced with hard life changing decisions. These decisions can cause you to really stop and look back at your life so far and realize many things. They could be good things, though they could be bad things as well. When faced with a tough decision you should go with what you think will be the best for you.

            This concept is a very difficult one for me to grasp and I have personally really been struggling with it. I have spent the last 18 years of my life trying to be the most perfect person that I could be. I played every sport under the sun, I broke records, I got good grades, I volunteered, I was in student government, and even though I did all of those things I was never perfect. I was striving for perfection, an impossible task. Looking for some type of recognition that would make me good enough. So, I did things to make others happy. I lived a very full life trying to please those around me.  

            It was not until I went to college that I really was opened to the way that I had been living. Because all of these brand new people had no expectations of the perfect goodie two shoes that I have been trying to be for my whole life. I soon lived up to no expectations and took a sharp downward turn. However, after living in temptation for about a year I have finally realized many eye-opening things about myself.

            I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. (As much as you might hate it, you will never be perfect either. That does not mean you cannot try because trust me I have tried it but it is by no means worth it.) By living in a brand new environment with people, that I did not know, it really gave me a chance to figure out who I was and what that meant. I may be young and not know everything about myself but I do now know what direction in which I want to live my life.

            I will go back to doing many of the same things I did while I was “the perfect girl” the difference being that I will now be doing these things for myself not because I feel like I have to prove myself to others. I want to be the best person that I can be and live a full happy life that is meaningful. I am done with living in a superficial shell and done living with no expectations.

            It took me months to fully realize the extent of my actions and then took me quite a while to process how I would like to take action and change the way I have been living. I by no means want to give you the impression that it is easy, because it is not. It is hard and there is tears that come, heartbreak, failed relationships with people, and uncertainty. However, even through every bit of that I feel 100% sure that I am making the best choice for me.

            I have lived my whole life trying to please others. Nevertheless, it does not matter what everyone else think of me. For me all that matters is what God thinks of me and that I know I am living in the path he has set up for me. I understand that people have different beliefs and I respect that, this is my opinion that I hold true. You don’t have to do it for the reasons I do but if you do want to make a change in your life you should be doing it for you and not the expectations of others.

            I challenge everyone who is unhappy in their lives to push forward and make a change. My mom once told me “Honey, life is too short to be unhappy!” Since then I have really taken those words to heart. I am living to be the happiest, best version of me. Do not be afraid to disappoint people because you will never be able to make everyone happy. The people who really truly care about you will stick by your side no matter what. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors.

                                                            xoxo Tessa